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My life with Jax

July 28, 2010

Jackson: “Why are you doing this mommy” {he points to his forehead}

Me: “Because I am giving you the “I don’t believe you aren’t going to be naughty” look, Jax”

He just smiles and laughs – because he knows it too.

Before I had Jackson and Madison I had Kobe.  He is 6 years older than Maddie and 7 years older than Jax.  That was 6 years that I thought I ruled as a parent.  Maybe even 7.5 because it wasn’t unti Jackson got a little older that I realized I was truly terrible at challenging parenting.  Kobe was your typical first child – and even more so he was a first child to a single mother who wanted to succeed, who wanted to prove she could do it all, and who wanted to defy the odds.  So I was super mom – I packed his first day of daycare with everything he could possibly need – complete with an index card explaining everything that was packed and why it was packed.  I even included disposable cameras so that they could capture those little moments that I wouldn’t be there to see.  I paid every week on time, packed a healthy lunch every day for him, his outfits were always adorable and matching and his hair was usually styled.  He used his manners and was disciplined for everything that wasn’t considered perfect behavior. I wanted the world to know that just because I was young and single didn’t mean I wasn’t just as good of a mom.  We went through the usual challenges but I always had a handle on it – and rolled my eyes at the other moms I saw out there giving in to their toddlers tantrums or ignoring them and acting like they weren’t happening and I beamed with pride on what a perfect son I had.  The funny thing was – I really believed it was all me.  I really thought I had created with my perfect discipline this perfectly well behaved child.  I didn’t buy into the fact that the personality had anything to do with it.  UNTIL NOW.

Jackson was born July of 2007.  He was an eggshell baby – and by that I mean I was walking on them until he came.  My first two kids were preemies and we were all a little worried he would be as well.  So I didn’t work out, I got weekly shots for 5 months and saw a high risk doctor at Bergan, and I didn’t travel the last 2 months of my pregnancy.  When I had to be induced at 40 weeks I was ecstatic – and when he was born I was beside myself.  So overcome with love for this little man that they actually let me keep and hold – and that they didn’t whisk away to the NICU.  I actually looked at him and said “he’s perfect”.  Two words that I have been regretting saying ever since they left my lips.  I think it was then that God laughed and said “let’s make this fun”.

I think Madison was the only one who knew what we were in for...

Jackson is a challenge to say the least.  He is strong, stubborn and fearless.  These are fantastic qualities, and qualities I have always longed for – but they are tough qualities in a 2 year old.  He does what he wants and he doesn’t care about consequences.  Time outs are ineffective and when he does take them we generally have to hold him in the corner to keep him from escaping.  He loves to be naughty and has told me over and over that he doesn’t want to be good and he likes being naughty.  He is rough and tough and beats up on his sister, his brother and anyone he thinks he can take on.  He doesn’t have an emotional side and so telling him he has hurt you just doesn’t have much of an affect on him.  He runs away and has been temporarily lost on several occasions.  He colors on the walls, and pours milk into his sister’s shoes.  He is quiet and very sneaky and just when you think you can trust him is when you really can’t.  I am now “that mom” in public and quite often I am pretty embarassed.  But I love him to death – I love his smile and his personality.  The headlocks he puts me in at night when he wants me to snuggle.  His constant, never ending energy.  I love that he is his own person and that he makes me laugh a hundred times a day – even when I really want to cry.  I love that he is memorable and that he is fearless.  And I love that he keeps my every day exciting and interesting and I am never ever bored with him.  Whether or not you have a Jackson in your family – cut the other moms out there a break.  Your kids may all be perfect – but I am now a believer in it being a whole lot of nature and a little bit of nurture.  And even more than that – I am glad my kids are different and challenging – how boring life would be otherwise.

The other day I went to drop off at daycare and I was one foot out the door and heard Jax say “Mommy – wait!”  I turned around hoping/expecting hugs and kisses – and maybe a “love you mommy”.  But what I actually heard was Jackson yell “You’re nuts mom!” and then turn and run away laughing.  I guess that is Jackson talk for “I love you”.

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